Big brother always finds interesting ways to spend money and for some reason they always tend to be painful. Here’s two military gadgets that’ll have you crying mommy faster than an ass whoopin from Santa. The first is supposed to cause an extreme burning sensation without actually causing damaging burns, unless they want it to. It supposedly heats the water in your cells via vibration. Just sounds like microwaves to me but what do I know. It apparently also causes a testosterone boost judging by voice of the the woman describing the machine.

The second piece of tech is a very high intensity focused speaker that causes sonic pain regardless of how little you clean your ears. It causes a claimed 160 decibels at very close range. If you ever get a chance to hear 160 decibels, it’s sort of like having the big bang go off in your head. I don’t think I need to detail the aftermath.
The overall consensus? They want to throw the biggest BBQ with the loudest music this side of the Mississippi river, thug style.